My job at what was then “The Union” lasted about nine months. It was hard work all the way through. I started as a temp and worked through September, October, November and December, during which time I had to work through a nasty cold. I was pretty much skint the whole time because I was paying into my CAP account to pay off my debts. On one occasion I ate my lunch (cold pasta with plain tomato sauce) alone in the shelter of the York boat club on the river bank. I then returned to the office and decided to show some attitude to a claims client. I actually told the poor woman to shut up. This was a particularly ignorant mistake, and one which I am deeply ashamed of.
I eventually cut a deal with the head of department after another serious mistake with a client and left The Union with a month’s pay and an almost clean slate. The first mistake was not noticed while I was working there, despite the protestations of the client. God covered it up for some reason (presumably pity). He didn’t extend the same courtesy to my manager at The Union (in my mind anyway); he was made redundant a few months after I left.
I couldn’t have gone on as a claims handler anyway. My stress levels were running dangerously high without mitigation. I was in a permanent state of high anxiety, morning to night, seven days a week. The main stressors were obviously such as the constant fear of having my very serious mistakes discovered, which would get me fired, and the constant fear of whatever it was I was afraid of; and of course the job itself was very stressful.
I was nicknamed “Terminator” while I was there. I had a tendency to leap out of my seat and charge, head down, almost running, to the other side of the office when I needed to ask someone a question. My telephone manner was terrible. Every time someone didn’t hear what I said on the phone, I immediately started shouting until I’d made myself clear.
I was too stressed to retain information – actually doing a good job was out of the question. I merely did my best to turn up to work every day and grind it out. I might have ended up dying there. I could imagine myself turning up for work one day, charging to my desk, turning on my computer, and suddenly my head would thud into the desk after a moment of wavering precariously over my shoulders, where it would remain, motionless. My colleagues wouldn’t immediately imagine that anything was wrong, just another emotional battle lost by D Brunaire; but after a few minutes of perfect stillness, someone might look around at me. Several more minutes would pass before someone else might take more of an interest and at some point after that I’d have been pronounced dead.
I read through some of the customer comments one day during my time at THE Union. Someone had written, “It would seem to be the minimum requirement for your claims handlers to have a decent grasp of the English language. You obviously don’t agree.”
It is very unlikely that this person was talking about anyone other than me.
About thorndale12
This blog is a parody of the lifestyle and behaviours and mindsets that led to my fall from the grace from a privileged and relatively stable up-bringing to my social demise and ultimate humiliation (at the hands of my peers), and that also ultimately led me to find God and repair my life, having become reconciled to those I hurt wherever possible.
It is not an apology, rather a tongue-in-cheek piss-take, and was written during a dark time in my life when I had turned from my sin and had begun to repair my life, but none of the (particularly) social graces had been returned to me. You have all had a lot of laughs at my expensive and this response, although inappropriate in many people's eyes, was a powerful coping mechanism in my recovery and for the hope that it might make a positive difference in other people's lives if I did not turn back from my repentance, I did not turn back because I had managed to divert my obsessions from malefaction to more healthy pursuits.
I think taking drugs is a very bad idea and I would strongly urge everyone never to do this. I escaped from my life of sin by the grace of God but not everyone is so lucky and drug and alcohol addiction are serious and often fatal behaviour problems. We are living in an age where dependency is a very bad idea so please turn to God if you have alcohol and drug related problems - he has helped me repair my life from a position of almost total destruction and he will do the same for you.
If I ever accede to a position of responsibility in the world, I am likely to come under a lot of persecution as a result of this blog and while it is not intended to cause offence, I don't care if you're offended by this. Whether or not it brings my downfall remains to be seen but I can rest assured that whatever I do, some, or many of you are going to accuse me of doing the wrong thing anyway. On the basis of this truth I've published this blog.
I hope you find God, in whatever form you find him, and that he helps you live lives that are worthy of him and you. And always remember: "You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master." Genesis 4:7
God is no respecter of persons - what has happened to me could happen to you, for "time and circumstance happen to all people"; so be careful how you judge, for "one day you too will be judged."
And I might also say that whether you believe God or not, the promises he gives are true nevertheless!
Psalm 7:
I come to you for protection, O Lord My God. Save me from my persecutors - rescue me! If you don't, they will maul me like a lion, tearing me to pieces with on one to rescue me. O Lord my God, if I have done wrong or am guilty of injustice, if I have betrayed a friend or plundered my enemy without cause, then let my enemies capture me. Let them trample me into the ground and drag my honour in the dust.
Arise, O Lord, in anger! Stand up against the fury of my enemies! Wake up, my God, and bring justice! Gather the nations before you. Rule over them from on high. The Lord judges the nations. Declare me righteous, O Lord, for I am innocent, O Most High! End the evil of those who are wicked, and defend the righteous. For you look deep within the mind and heart, O righteous God.
God is my shield, saving those whose hearts are true and right. God is an honest judge. He is angry with the wicked every day.
If a person does not repent, God will sharpen his sword; he will bend and string his bow. He will prepare his deadly weapons and shoot his flaming arrows.
The wicked conceive evil; they are pregnant with trouble and give birth to lies. They dig a deep pit to trap others, then fall into it themselves. The trouble they make for others backfires on them The violence they plan falls on their own heads.
I will thank the Lord because he is just; I will sing praise to the name of the Lord Most High.
canheforgivethough 